Once we stop the nagging voices in our heads, naughing away our sense of self-worth we find space to be with ourselves.

Are your next thoughts, kind? If they are unkind, this negativity can easily grow into a victim mindset – loss of hope, feelings of despair, and no sense of worth.

When we reach for worth outside of ourselves we inevitably face disappointment because all the good stuff is inside of us.

When I lived alone far from home out in California I imagined I had a BFF at my side, whenever I needed her. That worked so well that I took on another imaginary friend, this time a lover. I no longer felt alone.

Life is fluid even though it appears to be full of all things solid. Actually, science has proven that matter is made out of moving particles, we call atoms. These particles are moving and from my perspective they have a fluid movement to them.

I feel out-of-sync when I am out of this energy flow. The key to it is, to not try to be in the flow, but instead to move in the direction of your dreams day-by-day. Sooner or later the flow is felt. You’ll know it by how you feel.

I feel lighter, on the verge of laughing, a joy that no one need take away without my permission. I love it.

We also feel our history, our personal history, often and in many ways.

Growing up had two chapters. The first chapter was abundant. Dad was a successful lawyer in his own practice. We had a five bedroom, three story brick house on two lots in Allen Park, MI. We had everything, very often new clothes, lots of food, dinners out, and many vacations. Year by year, time went on . . . then, life changed.

I was awake at night to hear Dad’s abuse of Mom. His deep booming voice minimizing her natural goddessness. And then a thump and a quiet sobbing. Shocked and deeply sad, I had a decision to make. As a 12yr old child, did I allow this intel to minimize me, after all, this was my mother and father!  Or did I wait, use time to see how it turned out, keeping my thoughts to myself.   I chose the latter, like most 12yr olds in the 1960s.

Mom and Dad were divorced in less than a year. We moved from that house, plenty big for eight, into a house too small for the six of us. Now we had one pair of sneakers, one pair of boots, minimally just what we needed. Consequently we had to keep our clothes clean and ready to wear again, day after day.

The most profound change was with dinner. Pre-divorce we were required to be on-time, face and hands washed and seated at 6pm. We heard a passage from the Bible and learned a new word weekly from the dictionary. Dad would quiz us through the week to correctly pronounce, spell and recite the weekly word. We had to share what happened to us and how we felt about it. And we had to be excused before we left the table.

Post-divorce dinners only happened when someone complained they were starting to get hungry. Hand washing was only when my sister and I thought our younger brothers’ hands were “too gross.” What was served was often over- cooked from a slow-cooker Mom started before she went to work. Or it was something I could devise from little bits of left-overs and flavors hidden deep in the fridge and cupboards. Again, I chose to experience this as early training for my future career as a fine dining chef or as “the gourmet chef” in our big Italian family. What happened that day and our feelings about it were now left unsaid at dinner, to built up stress. Instead, we would talked it out in private one-on-one. Sometimes the tension got very heated, depths-of-our-soul types of emotions.

Pre-divorce and post-divorce both had positive and negative aspects and life lessons. Far beyond simply being fed, communal dinners nourish in a total feeling way. It does this in many forms, often indescribable. As long as people have face-to-face contact, and especially if they’re tightly linked by an emotional bond.

It’s a tradition worthy of preserving, resurrecting, or creating new, now.

Start from where you are.

From my heart, let me express to you how much choice you have every way, everyday. As a kid, and still today, I use my imagination to keep growing, keep flowing along. Very little needs to be ingested, it’s up to you. 

Well, many times it doesn’t happen. There is some kind of disconnect between what we intend to do and what actually happens. This disconnect can disappoint people, shake-up relationships, derail a promotion at work, lose a job, cause a bad review, harm a friendship or cause a love-loss creating heartache.

Its a matter of clarity and will power. Make it easy on yourself and just be clear on what you truly can do yourself, and very mindful of what you promised someone else. When you say, I will ______(do this particular something). JUST DO IT!

Start slow; start with following-through once, then, advance to trying it once-a-day. As time goes on you will develop a habit of following-through with what you said you would do. There are big pay-offs.

You’ll notice people trust you more. That’s a nice thing. Over time the benefits grow, exponentially. People will compliment you, choose to spend time with you, it goes on and on.

Thoroughness, following-through is best when the thing to do is for yourself. I have heard that one should not cross themselves. That is the same as telling yourself you will do something and not doing it, then, pretending it doesn’t matter to you. Believe me, it matters. It wears you down. I’ve been there. I’ve done that.

You are born with an independent free will that has power. Take it out from the place you have had it tucked-away, shake the wrinkles out of it, dust it off. Give this power some fresh-air and sunshine, or a good shot of expresso. Get it in action.

You go . . . avatar.

Wardrobe Tip for Today: When your favorite winter jacket’s zipper insert starts to fray there is a fix. You can sew it so it stays strong and does not get worse, requiring installation of a whole new zipper. That is a huge hassle or a big expense. So check out this series of photos and leave a comment is you have questions.