Not Why? What!

Upset! Who’s upset. Yes, we get upset from time-to-time. Let’s look at a particular frequent scenario.

Scenario:   You are peaceful, relatively peaceful and your friend/significant-other flies off-the-handle in a improvisational tirade. 

My suggestion: Listen to the tone of your own voice.

Any group of helpful or consoling words will (chameleon-like), change meaning with the tone of your voice. We’ve all heard the same sentence have four different meanings with tone-of-voice and phrasing (grouping words).

Try these steps:

1.  Listen to the person’s full problem without interrupting them. If they will not let you get a word in edgewise, ask “Can/May I speak for a bit?” All the while keeping peaceful yourself.

They may go on being upset, without taking a full breath. That’s OK. Let them finish or just wait for that little window to ask again, if you can say something. 

2.  Now, here is my point, at this point use a soft and calm tone-of-voice.

The kind of voice you would use in church or in the bedroom.

You can imagine what I mean.

3.  Almost instantly his/her direction will change from fretting about Why this is happening to working on What to do about it.

You will be the one setting it up to have the outcome you desire. It’s not magic, it’s being more aware of your own power to create your own reality.

The worst problem between me and my husband is the mutual, newly-wedded person’s desire to make sure we are “making each other happy.”

So I was happy to see, as soon as I lived through the above scenario with him, he found a way for my plans for the day to happen with enjoyment.  The song goes, “Love Is A Many Splendored Thing”  . . .  yet, seemingly elusive.